The Recovery Guy Podcast

Episode #112 - Friday The Checkup: The Stages of Change

The Stages of Change. Almost 20 years ago, two well-known alcoholism researchers, Carlo C. DiClemente and J. O. Prochaska introduced a five-stage model of change to help professionals understand their clients with addiction problems and motivate them to change. Their model is based not on abstract theories but on their personal observations of how people went about modifying problem behaviors such as smoking, overeating, and problem drinking.

The six stages of the model are:

Precontemplation 

Individuals in the precontemplation stage of change are not even thinking about changing their drinking behavior. They may not see it as a problem, or they think that others who point out the problem are exaggerating.

Contemplation 

Individuals in this stage of change are willing to consider the possibility that they have a problem, and the possibility offers hope for change. However, people who are contemplating change are often highly ambivalent. They are on the fence. Contemplation is not a commitment, not a decision to change.

Determination 

Deciding to stop drinking is the hallmark of this stage of change. All the weighing of pros and cons, all the risk-reward analysis, finally tips the balance in favor of a change. Not all ambivalence has been resolved, but ambivalence no longer represents an insurmountable barrier to change.

Action 

Individuals in this stage of change put their plan into action. This stage typically involves making some form of public commitment to stop drinking in order to get external confirmation of the plan.

Maintenance 

The action stage normally takes three to six months to complete. Change requires building a new pattern of behavior over time. The real test of change is long-term sustained change over many years. This stage of successful change is called “maintenance.

Termination

The ultimate goal in the change process is termination. At this stage, the alcoholic no longer finds that alcohol presents a temptation or threat; he has complete confidence that he can cope without fear of relapse.

Nothing happens in a vacuum. We did not get sick overnight and we don’t get well overnight. Wellness is a process. I hope you engage in the process. Once you have reach termination, I hope you continue in the maintenance to stay changed. These are The Stages of Change

Episode #111 - Tuesday The Fix: Happiness Doesn’t Just Happen

Life is what you make it. I know this was true for me in my active addiction and it is true today. From time to time, life has a curveball waiting to throw my way. That is the exception and not the rule. It does mean, for the most part, I am the reason for my happiness. I decided upon actions that most always determine my happiness. I think this is universally true.

I will discuss the 10 Things Ms. King suggests and as always put my twist to them. For a fuller read of this article click on the link at the end of this description.

Happiness
a state of well-being and contentment  
a pleasurable or satisfying experience

1. GIVING - Do things for others.
2. RELATING - Connect with people.
3. EXERCISING - Take care of your body.
4. APPRECIATING - Notice the world around you.
5. TRYING OUT - Keep learning new things.
6. DIRECTION - Have goals to look forward to.
7. RESILIENCE - Find ways to bounce back.
8. EMOTION - Take a positive approach.
9. ACCEPTANCE - Be comfortable with who you are.
10. MEANING - Be part of something bigger.

Episode #110 - Friday The Checkup: Taming Toxic Shame

Toxic Shame. Richard Gannon defines Toxic Shame as a neurotic, irrational feeling of worthlessness, humiliation, self-loathing and paralyzing feeling that has been inflicted onto an individual through repeated, traumatic experiences often, but not always, rooted in childhood.

Essentially, toxic shame is what happens when feeling badly about aspects or the totality of we are is as if it were stamped into our DNA.

This is one of the reasons there is no quick fix, we will likely require the help of someone else and we may not accomplish complete removal in our lifetime. Having said that, there is hope for us. We must first identify Toxic Shame as a block wall in our life. If we don’t go around it or find a way through it, we will spend our lifetime pounding our head against it.

As people of recovery, especially those of us who are alcoholic or drug addict, the first thing we MUST do is make a daily commitment to not drink or use. When we are under the influence very little of substance will be absorbed our acted upon.

Let’s look at some things we can do to minimize the negative results of Toxic Shame as we reduce it from our identity.

1. Recognize that we are suffering from something we did not do to ourselves.
2. Realize that people who bring us harm were likely harmed themselves
3. Be willing to forgive others
4. Share, share, share and just when you think you have shared everything share more
5. Establish positive reinforcement statements and practice them throughout the day
6. Change old playgrounds/playmates that have any associations with the shame
7. Seek professional help without guilt
8. View the progress as a daily journey not a predetermined destination with a timeframe
9. Love others as you with to be loved

Taming Toxic Shame is something that is very necessary for most all people. Most everyone has experienced on some form or another. As mentioned in our definition, for some of us it has become paralyzing. Together we can overcome this and live wonderfully productive and healthy lives.

Episode #109 - Tuesday The Fix: Getting Smashed

Getting Smashed. How do we get to the place whereby we view our life up to recovery as a destructive force that needs to be SMASHED?

Here are some things that I think are universally true. I say they are true because for over 34 years they have worked in my life and the lives of countless others.

Please understand I am going to use the 12 Steps of AA as my central point of reference.

1. Self-examine what actions got us to the point of recovery
2. Be objective in evaluating is what I am doing normal or is it delusional/psychotic behavior
3. Be willing to reach out to someone who cares for us
4. Decide how badly we want to change the course of our life
5. Find a plan that have proved successful for someone that can be verified
6. Evaluate obstacles and become willing to move them out of the way
7. Know that any occasional failure is not the end (failure is an event, not a person)
8. Approach each day with a renewed commitment
9. Practice positive reinforcement characterized by personal affirmation

When we do these things, we stand a very good chance the delusion will stay SMASHED. If the psychotic notion of being successful with our negative behavior stays crushed, we will be able to live the life that the addictive lifestyle kept us from.

Episode #108 - Friday The Checkup: Relating In Recovery

Relating In Recovery. How vital is relating in recovery? It has been the experience of countless others and myself that our quality and even quantity of our recovery stands in the balance of how and to whom we relate in recovery.

Some of the things I have done over the years have evolved, but the basics remain the same.

1. Make sure we are on solid spiritual grounding. We must be at peace (even if we are uncomfortable).
2. Make a list of the most obvious first. Let’s get the burning logs off the fire so the flame goes down.
3. Seek the advice of someone who has our best interest at heart.
4. Be as kind to others as we would want others to be kind to us.
5. Continue to be sure of our motives for allowing some in or asking some to leave. The objective inventory of our motives reveals so much.
6. Add new likeminded people into our circle of influence.
7. Never reject a new idea until thoroughly examined. Stay openminded.
8. Expect miracles.

When we walk in this type of light we can only become better. Who is attracted to us and who we are attracted to only grows. We begin to give out positive energy in a way that empowers us with refreshed energy. “We suddenly realize that God is doing for us, what we could not do for ourselves.” Big Book of AA.

Inforation on this can also be found at PsychologyToday.com.

Episode #107 - Tuesday The Fix: Wounded No More

Wounded No More is today’s podcast title, it was pulled from a lyric line from an amazing newer group called The Struts. If you like David Bowie, meets Queen, meets the Rolling Stones, then you will love The Struts. The Struts have this song called Somebody New and in the song there is a line that reads “But when you’ve been broken, some wounds remain open that no one can heal.”

For those of you who are new or relatively new to Recovery Guy Podcast I want to give you a little background. The journey of our mission has always been to recognize the power each of us must exhibit to overcome the dark and painful experiences. We hope to rise like a Phoenix and become a force of energy that sustains internally while sharing outwardly. For those of us who have taken advantage of this recovery opportunity there is no going back. We are committed to a lifetime of serving others. Jon Barker and started down this journey back in 2006 with Becoming Well Now. Since I had gotten sober in 1986 got my degree and worked in the recovery arena much of what we began had been things I had been working on for 20 years. In 2015 we began transitioning into the Recovery Guy. BWN’s motto was “A Journey to Recovery.” Recovery Guy is built around “From Broken to Whole.” We have since built a recovery team consisting of Jon, my daughter Jane, then JJ (podcast engineer extraordinary) and now Pablo- the king of the SEO. It is our pleasure to serve you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NKF1bLLCpY

I thought about that and thought this is so sadly true for so many people in recovery. On one hand, it is hard to heal, but on the other hand we must.

When it comes to being Wounded No More, I am not saying that we will never be wounded again. That would like saying we cease being human. What I am saying that the wounded feeling does not have to last.

This is where Time becomes our friend. I have found that cliché “Time Heals All Wounds” can be true. For it to be true there are some simple things I want us to follow. If we do these things regularly we move past the previous wounds and avoid new wounds moving forward. We can do this while being engaged in life more than ever before.

1. Understand our personal value
2. Practice positive reinforcement
3. Surround ourselves with those who see value in us
4. Be willing to forgive those who have wounded us
5. Explore healthy boundaries
6. Be guarded from those who elevate themselves by wounding others. Remember wounded people wound people
7. Be a person who helps other wounded people have victory
8. Stay grounded in the things that increase our personal value that when the wounds come we can lessen their impact
9. Be reminded daily that we aren’t victims, but victors

Practicing these things in some fashion and consistency we will see that we will not only wounded no more but we will be wounded less.

Episode #234 Tuesday the Fix; The Recovered Life

In the beginning, I did everything I could not drink or use. I also found it necessary to not engage in other behaviors that would trigger my drinking, which would trigger my use of drugs. This seems to be the battle in early recovery. Once I started applying the plan of recovery to my commitment to abstinence things really began to change for me. Today, the recovered life is exactly that. The recovered life is a way of living. I would even go so far as to say I live a normal life. This last week I had the privilege of accepting my 36-year recovery chip at a meeting in Las Vegas. Being in Las Vegas and accepting that chip was very significant because that is where my recovery began. I would not change a thing. The recovered life that I live is far superior to any path I could have walked down. I hope you have found this to be true for you.

Episode #106 - Friday The Checkup Signs I Might Need Help

I pulled some content from a paper called Symptoms of Addiction from Psychology Today. I have edited the bulleted points below to fit my direction. The complete article can be found in its entirety by following the link below. I want to thank Psychology Today for continuing to provide amazing content on a wide variety of wellness topics.

I think those new to recovery must pay attention to the spiraling signs accompany addiction. Below, I have pulled some of the concerns that should be looked at when we evaluate where we are in our recovery journey. Just because we have overcome a debilitating behavior or addictive habit does not mean we are ever fully free from relapse.

Staying healthy is best promoted by continuing to self-examine. We make adjustments and corrections along the way.

• The negative activity is practiced more often and to greater degrees than was intended.
• You know the behavior is injurious to you and inconsistent with the new life you have chosen.
• The pursuit of the activity consumes an increasing amount of time.
• There is a strong desire to engage in negative activity.
• The activity disrupts obligations at work, school, or home.
• The activity continues despite the social or interpersonal problems it causes.
• Participation in important social, work or recreational activities drops or stops.
• We increase risky behavior while engaged in activity.
• The behavior continues despite knowing it is causing or exacerbating physical or psychological problems.
• We engage in the behavior more and more until it overtakes the positive behavior.

If this continues unchecked the likelihood of relapse is inevitable.

Episode #105 - Tuesday The Fix: Sabotage of Self Part 2

Sabotage of self is one of the most unnecessary yet common problems of people in recovery. We expect people who are on a destructive path to continue to sabotage their progress. They are already on a path and negative destruction and sabotage seems to be a part of their daily process. But what about those of us who are in recovery? What about those of us who are on a path to wellness and becoming whole. Why do we act as if we are the enemy as we are trying to be part of the solution. Please let me know what you think. Your contribution through your comments carries great value to me. I hope you can remove yourself from the sabotage of self and get on a healthy side of living that is consistent with the desire you have for your life.

Sabotage - an act or process tending to hamper or hurt
b: deliberate subversion

Subversion - to pervert or corrupt by an undermining of morals, allegiance, or faith

1.      Consider your past and present.

• Present circumstances are usually based on past behavior that we don’t break free from.
• Maybe you let yourself be drained emotionally or physically.
• Ignoring your own needs to be freed from the bondage of negative behavior.
• This way of living might have become the norm for you.
• Think about the people you surround yourself with.
• Are the relationships reciprocal?
• Is there a healthy give and take?

Beyond relationships, your environment might be unhealthy, too. We must make sure that we not only change old playmates we need to change old playgrounds,

2.  Make self-care a priority.

• Use our past results to determine if doing the same thing in the present makes sense.
• Giving yourself permission to put yourself first.
• Ask yourself, “Do I really want to end up back in treatment?
• What if someone else or I am harmed?”
• When we do this, our need and motivation to set boundaries become stronger.
• Self-care also means recognizing the importance of your feelings and honoring them.

These feelings serve as important clues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy.

I hope this has helped you see yourself differently. We can be our own best resource or our own worst enemy. The choice has been our choice. Walk in Wisdom and choose wisely.

Episode #104 - Friday The Checkup: How We Heal

For today’s podcast, I am using some thoughts and practices by my dear friend Suzy. Suzy and I met through IG surrounding a family challenge she was having with someone in her life. The opportunity with this person didn’t prove productive at the time, but out of it came the relationship Laura and I have with Suzy. If you want to learn more about this amazing person you can go back to August 8, 2019 for that podcast.

Before we get into what Suzy Says regarding How We Heal let’s define Heal

 

• to make free from injury or disease : to make sound or whole
• make well again: to restore to health
• to cause (an undesirable condition) to be overcome
• to patch up or correct (a breach or division)
• to restore to original purity or integrity

5 Things to consider with How We Heal

1. I keep working my program
2. I look for opportunities to share
3. Remain vulnerable and authentic
4. Be intentional about keeping my message consistent
5. Just do it. . . share.

We can get hurt or harmed accidently, but How We Heal is a systematic approach to living.